To paraphrase Jean Chrétien, I’m no editor, but I would have put this item on the front page of the University of Alberta’s Gateway instead of burying it halfway down the police-blotter page:
On the morning of 26 October, a homemade motorized couch valued at over $1000 was stolen from the west exterior of a house on 87 Avenue and 110 Street. The motorized two-person love seat, powered by a lawnmower-style engine, was located two days later. There was substantial damage and some parts were stolen, but it should be fixable.
Despite its placement, the item attracted a pithy letter from a reader, reprinted here in its entirety:
What no one was thinking when they found out that fucking motorized couch was stolen: “OH NO!”
The response from the owner of the couch rates high indeed on the Unintentional Comedy Scale. If you ever find yourself writing the sentence “I feel that I must heartily disagree with the claim that no one cared about the theft of my motorized couch”, some re-evaluation of your life may be in order.